I really do hope you keep your word when you said your going to make me Love myself again…You said i deserve it and well…please show me that.

I have no idea why your taking your frustration out on me but fine, go ahead..ill be your punching bag. I knew you would of taken what i said the wrong way and i tried to explain that to you but you assumed, so thank you for that. If you aren’t going to be there for me tomorrow then I’m sorry you let me down. I’m disappointed and it saddens me but i won’t let it sink in because Tomorrow is a big day for me and you knew that but no concern was given. I’m sorry you regret staying home and taking two seconds of your time to actually talk to me which i haven’t spoken or seen you in a few days, It’s not that i miss you terribly and toss and turn without you or knowing your okay. I’m gonna TRY to sleep if i can’t then i’ll probably go for a walk or something. at this moment my eyes are so heavy and all i can feel is this pain settling in my chest.

Goodnight.,

Love Now and Always

A

I can’t tell if I’m hungry or if my stomach just hurts, don’t worry i ate last night. At this moment i miss you, wait..I miss you every second and i just finished crying because i miss you and how badly i want to see you, i just want to be home but i can’t cause I’m all the way over here. I really do hope you come see me and meet my family. I feel like I’m losing you, i honest to god have no idea what I’d do without you, Your my best friend, Your there when no one else is..even if you do get mad at me for being a butt. You laugh at my dumb jokes that aren’t even funny and point out things in me that i don’t even notice, let alone find certain little things about me fascinating. I toss and turn for hours til i fall asleep when I’m not laying next to you, it’s so terrible. My mind races and then it breaks a little because my mind is overloaded with so much then i keep to myself because I’m either beating myself up or just hurting, then you ask me whats wrong and i really can’t manage a single word, Your sleeping now and I’m laying awake writing this because i can’t sleep, i just tried. I think i will stay awake today and clean my room or something. Sometimes ill go to bed in hope’s you’ll text me and sometimes you don’t, not even at all, Then ill fall back asleep hoping when i do wake you’ll text me to find nothing. It’s sad to wait for something that won’t happen because you said so yourself you wont text me first. Sometimes you do text me and its a simple Comment and it leaves a blank feeling like it’s a hassle for you to talk to me. Am i bothersome? I wish you didn’t ignore me because it hurts, very badly. Tomorrow is a big day for me and I’m overwhelmed. It’s starting to hit me, I’m scared and excited at the same time because I’m afraid ill blow it. I wish you were coming with me telling me it’s okay. I hate holding things in and let them eat away at me, i’ve always been terrible at speaking about things, it’s like a horrible stutter without words.

I Love you, i do. You can’t see that..It’s sad. Your searching for answers that weren’t suppose to be found and i hope you brace yourself for what may come, as for me I’m forgotten and you can’t even see that because your so busy looking for answers and keeping yourself busy from Me and these answers. I always thought i was important to you but i guess I’m not seeing that you devote the amount of time into these answers you search for. I’m sorry I’m not important enough let a lone just…Enough. It hurts and you have no idea. Sometimes ill wake up and wondering if you’ll even text me back or am i just better off falling back asleep til you text me. I do understand that if you are busy with whatever, then that is fine but if you can’t take two seconds to even respond to me..then that is all fare. Something huge is coming up for me on Monday and i just hope with crossed fingers you are there for me, I’ll feel let down if you weren’t because you were ignoring me or just too busy with friends (Not including your mom because that’s different and understandable). All i ask is, please don’t let me down on Monday..It’s a big deal to me and seeing that i have no one else but you to be there for me. i guess that’s what I’m worried about right now, that come Monday your nowhere to be found and I’m standing dead in front of Josiah hyperventilating with so much emotion that i cannot keep myself composed. Please..Don’t let me down.

Love Now and Always,

A

The fact you devote your time in searching for answers and I’m just tossed aside like nothing makes me sad and i have to sit there and take it, be strong for you and act like its nothing at all. Sometimes the only words i can mutter are ‘Thank You’ because
I’m so lost. I wish you could see that none of that matters nor should it because I’m right in front of you, The fact I’m always going to be here until you tell me to go away. It kind of breaks your heart too you know, in a slight sense you desire an answer and your so focused on these answers and I’m just on the side lines. It hurts and you have no idea. I just hope you find what your looking for.

Love Now and Always,

A

Overall it was a big deal to me that you met my parents and the fact my father invited you to come and Meet him was even a bigger deal but you didnt catch that,
i had asked you to meet my brother, it is rare he ever comes over or even get to see him. You said you were tired and decided to go to bed which was fine, but turns out you were busy on tumblr and texting other people, I’m letting you know that it meant a lot to me if you had met my brother and you didn”t care and Im sorry you didnt care. Right now im sitting in the dark just hateing myself for being such an idiot that everyone says i am, Im sorry i need you.

Love Now and Always,

A

I can tell the weather is getting to people but surprisingly i was calm all day while everyone bit my head off, it sucked to the point i was screaming inside I looked to you and you were just too busy so i took it as it was. Then you arrive home to tell me your tired and such. You tell me your going to bed, turns out you were busy texting other people, which is cool i guess, I’ve come to terms that im just less important you know, Right now your pissed at me because you think i was getting mad at you when really i just needed you, I needed you and you weren’t to be found.
You don’t even text me nor even sign on skype, let a lone even want to talk to me..its like i have to “Bother” you and im sorry, ill keep to myself.

Love Now and Always,

A

I don’t understand the conception of you telling me when things are
“getting shitty” but then you have no desire to fix anything, ill
recommend we BOTH fix what ever the problem is because there are
two of us, not one. Despite anyone being in the wrong, that is what
a relationship is, you work and fix whatever comes our way and you
always say no and i don’t fight it because it’s hard fixing certain
issues on my own and I’ll say Okay and feel this sad darkness
settles in between my chest. You don’t know this but some nights
before i sleep, laying in the dark I’ll cry myself silently to sleep
even if I’m dead tired because even when i ask to sleep with you, you
say no and i guess i shouldn’t ask anymore because I’ll always get the
same answer. I guess this means i wont be singing you to sleep because
well that you say no to us sleeping together. You met my mom yesterday and
that’s a huge deal because my mom doesn’t like being on camera and she stopped
for you, But that’s not important to you like it is to me. I’m sorry you have no desire to fix anything with me, I’m sorry that anything i say or feel has no importance and I’m sorry for just about everything and that including me being an ass when i wouldn’t listen all because i was hurting inside whilst a disagreement.
I really am sorry babygirl.

Love now and always,

A